Saint Agathon of Egypt, one of the early Desert Fathers
Today is the Feast Day of Saint Agathon on the Greek Orthodox calendar. He lived in the 4th Century after Christ. In 364, he went into the desert of Egypt to live his life as a hermit monk. But he quickly became renown for his spiritual wisdom and a large numbers of truth seekers came to him for counsel. He lived an abstemious life and fasted often. Yet he felt it was much more important for us to follow the commandment to love our neighbors than to distiguish ourselves through great ascetic feats. He wove baskets in his monastic cell and then took them to sell at the market in a nearby city in order to earn money to feed the many guests who came to the monastery. He did not ask a set price for his baskets, but accepted whatever price the purchaser was able to pay. He was so generous to his guests that he gave all he had earned to them. One day while in the city selling his baskets, he came upon a poor, sick man lying in the street. Without a second thought, he rented a room for him in one of the local inns and went to find himself a job so he could support him until he was well again. Four months passed before the sick man was healed and Saint Agathon was able to return to his monastery. Clearly, the story of the Good Samaritan was not just a story to him.
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Today was another very difficult day. I went to bed nauseated last night. I did not fall asleep until around midnight, and then I woke up at 4 AM still nauseated. I finally got courageous and made myself throw up (one my least favorite things to do). About a cup of watery acidic liquid came up. I felt better for the next 6 hours. I was able to fall back to sleep around 6 AM and woke up again at 8 AM, just in time to have my vitals taken. My weight was 102.4, blood pressure was 90/58, pulse was 76, and temperature was 98.0. Still experienced some mild upper and lower GI gas. Only sneezed once all day. Drank 2.5 quarts of water.
The nausea returned and I remained nauseated for the rest of the day. My acupuncturist came to give me a treatment and I did feel better for several hours afterwards, but every time I try to sit up or stand up I quickly become very nauseated. Dr. Klaper called to check in on me and was please with how my voice sounded.
The one ray of light for me today was that they allowed my dog to come and visit with me in my room. Sasha was so relieved to see where I was that he jumped up on the bed, took a deep breath, let out a long sigh, and promptly fell asleep for the next three hours. Apparently, he has not been sleeping well since I left. I was very gratified that they let him come. I really did not expect them to say yes when I asked them, but they must be aware of the important role animals can play in helping sick people recover. Here we are enjoying some quality time together:
Sasha and me snuggled up cozily in bed together.
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"Love seeks no cause beyond itself and no fruit; It is its own fruit, its own enjoyment. I love because I love; I love in order that I may love."
Eknath Easwaran, of the Blue Mountain Center of Meditation
Eknath Easwaran is one of the great spiritual thinkers of all time. He is another recent discovery for me, and I feel that I have uncovered a treasure chest of precious gems. He was born in India in 1910, personally studied with Mahatma Gandhi, took his degree in English Liturature, and became a professor at the University of Nagpur. In 1959, he was brought to the United Staes on a Fullbright Scholarship to teach the first ever for-credit course on meditation at the University of Berkley.
By 1961, he had founded the Blue Mountain Center of Meditation in Tomales, California just one hour north of San Franscisco along the coast. I found his book Love Never Faileth,on St. Francis, Mother Teresa, St. Paul, and St. Augustine, in the lending library of my local Unity church. This book is part of a trilogy on the classics of Christian inspiration. The other volumes are entitled Original Goodness, on the Beatitudes, and Seeing with the Eyes of Love, on Thomas à Kempis and The Immitation of Christ. If you order them together as a set (scroll down to the bottom of the page and you will find them), Blue Mountain will give you a 25% discount. Every single page is rich.
The primary message which he attempts to convey in all of his works (over 2 dozen volumes!) is that if we wish to be happy in this life we must learn to love others. As we read in the Epistles, "He who does not love, does not know God, for God is Love." (1 John 4:8) To this end, Easwaran developed his Eight Point Program which is centered around what he calls Passage Meditation and the repetition of a Mantram throughout the day. He has found that these two practices, if followed diligently, will change us from the inside out and help us to increase our capacity to love. After much searching, he decided the the Prayer of St. Francis was one of the best Passages for Westerners to meditate on "because, as you can see, it is a very rare thing: an attempt to reverse almost all the ordinary tendencies we find in human nature. It gives us a blueprint for making our life a blessing for everyone."
Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi
Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; Where there is injury, pardon; Where there is doubt, faith; Where there is despair, hope; Where there is darkness, light; Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek To be consoled, as to console; To be understood, as to understand; To be loved, as to love. For it is in giving that we receive, It is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying to self that we are born to eternal life.
Easwaran goes on to say, "In this profoundest of prayers, St. Francis confides in us how the son of Pietro di Bernardone was transformed into the son of God. We, too, can aspire to such a transformation by making his prayer an integral part of our consciousness. This cannot be done through reading or discussion, which take place only on the surface level of consciousness. It can only be done by regular systematic meditaion. If we meditate on St. Francis's words diligently and with enthusiasm every morning, the marvelous transformation that St. Francis worked in himself will gradually be effected in us too."
If you wish to increase your capacity to love, develop a joyful heart, and find peace of mind, I cannot recommend his books highly enough.
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Day 5 (January 6) was a very easy day. I felt quite good all day. My weight was 104 (3 lbs less than the day before!), blood pressure 103/63, pulse 76, and temperature 98.3. I had mild upper and low GI gas, but no bowel activity. I drank 1.5 quarts of water (probably not enough). Slept 8 hours last night.
Day 6 (January 7) has been very difficult. I am extremely weak again and find it hard to even sit up. When they check my vitals this morning, my weight was 103, my blood pressure was 106/70, my pulse was 88 (higher than normal for me), and my temperature was 98.3. I had mild upper and lower GI gas, but no bowel activity. Sneezed about 6 times throughout the day. Had stomach acid come up into my throat a few times when I laid down. I have been mildly nauseated all day. Drank 2 quarts of water. Slept 6 hours last night. Dr. Klaper is in San Francisco for a few days, but he called to check on me and see how I was doing. He said, "I just wanted to hear your voice." He is a very sweet and caring man.
My parasite test came back yesterday and, as it turns out, I am very severely infected again. On a scale of 1 to 10, I have Ascaris Lumbricoides (Giant Round Worm) at level 4, Enterobius Vermicularis (Pin Worm) at level 4, and Giardia Lablia at level 4, and I also have Candida at level 3 and an Enterococcus ssp at level 3! The Giant Round Worm is 10-35 cm long at maturity, so it is not particularly exciting to think of having these critters in ones body. Its prevence in the United States in humans is only 0.8%. This is one of the parasites I had 6 years ago when I was tested. For whatever reason, I seem to be a magnet for them. Pin Worm is extremely common in the United States being found in 11% of people of all ages but may be as high as 50% among children in daycare situations. This was another parasite I also tested positive for 6 years ago. Giardia is even more interesting in my case.
According to Wikipedia, 1) studies have shown that Giardia can cause B-12 deficiency; 2) people who lack IgA (almost universal among those with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) can develop chronic disease from Giardia infections; 3) Giardia cause villous atrophy (as does gluten in people with celiac disease) and reduces the absorptive capacity of the small intestine; 4) Giardia relies on glocose for it's major energy source and breaks the glucose down into ethanol, acetate, and carbon dioxide; and 5) studies on mice have shown that a very low carbohydrate diet will reduce the number of Giardia organisms present. I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome 15 years ago by Dr. Paul Cheney (one of the pre-eminent CFS doctors in the world), so I probably lack IgA. It may well be that a diet high in fruit sugar, like The 80/10/10 Diet, will allow Giardia to flourish. I did not have Giardia 6 years ago, so this is new. When I spoke to Dr. Klaper briefly after forwarding the test to him, I said, "Isn't this incredible?" He said, "It is...(pause) beyond incredible." So, I guess he was pretty blown away by it. I am going to have myself treated the same way as I did 6 years ago, through a process known as Radionics.
Alicia, a woman who has been following The 80/10/10 diet for about two years now, has also been dealing with parasites. Her experience is interesting and she also found a form of vibrational therapy to be most effective in dealing with them. Here is her video:
Although Dr. Klaper knows little or nothing about Radionics, he has agreed to let me try this first since it worked for me last time, as it is much more affordable than the herbs made by the Nigerian Physician (Dr. Hammed Ibraheem) who diagnosed me. Though the herbs apparently work beautifully, and are grown and prepared on the grounds of the University where he teaches, the treament can cost several thousand dollars. If you are having trouble with your health, and you cannot figure out what is wrong, I highly recommend getting tested for parasites. Dr. Ibraheem is a train parasitologist and he works in conjunction with Dr. Glenn Wilcox in New Mexico. All specimens are flown overnight to Nigeria for testing. The test is $300, plus $50 shipping. It is well worth it.
Well, I guess that is about all the exciting news I have to report for today.
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"The soul is made of love and must ever stive to return to love. Therefore, it can never find rest nor happiness in other things. It must lose itself in love. By its very nature it must seek God, who is love." Mechthild of Madgeburg (1207-1282), Christian Mystic and Poet
Saint Syncletica of Alexandria, The First Desert Mother
The Feast Day of Saint Syncletica of Alexandria is celebrated today (January 5). She was a remarkable woman who died at the age of 84 in 350 A.D. She was born to wealthy parents, but decided at an early age that she wanted to dedicate her life to God. She refused to marry, despite many eager suitors, and when her parents died she distributed their entire estate (her inheritance) to the poor. She then left the world to live a life of prayer, fasting, and asceticism as a nun in the desert. Her accomplishments in the spiritual life eventually became widely known and many women began to seek her out for help. She is believed to have founded the very first ever monastery for women. Here are some of the best sayings attributed to her:
"Those who do not fast often fall into real sicknesses."
"Just as one cannot build a ship unless one has some nails, so it is impossible to be saved without humility."
"Choose the meekness of Moses and you will find your heart which is a rock changed into a spring of water."
"It is possible to be a solitary in one's mind while living in a crowd, and it is possible for one who is a solitary to live in the crowd of his own thoughts."
"In the beginning there is struggle and a lot of work for those who come near to God. But after that there is indescribable joy. It is just like building a fire: at first it is smoky and your eyes water, but later you get the desired result. Thus we ought to light the divine fire in ourselves with tears and effort."
"We should laud remiss and indolent souls who are easily exhausted in the struggle for good, as well as those souls who are easily discouraged and fall to despair. Indeed if such souls display even the smallest good deed, we must praise it and marvel at it, giving them encouragement in their struggle for the good."
"If you have begun to act well, do not turn back through constraint of the enemy, for through your endurance, the enemy is destroyed. Those who put out to sea at first sail with a favorable wind; then the sails spread, but later the winds become adverse. Then the ship is tossed by the waves and is no longer controlled by the rudder. But when in a little while there is a calm, and the tempest dies down, then the ship sails on again. So it is with us, when we are driven by the spirits who are against us; we hold to the cross as our sail and so we can set a safe course."
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Days 2 & 3 of my fast were still fairly uneventful except for some mid-level nausea during the first 2 hours in the morning after awaking. I had quite a lot to do in preparation for my 2 month absence from home and I was able to accomplish everything, though I am sure the exertion wasn't the best for me. I did have a normal bowel movement on the morning of Day 2, but no bowel activity on Day 3. I drank about 2 quarts of water each day.
I arrived at the TrueNorth Health Center around 5:00 PM last night (Day 3) and was greeted by a very attentive staff. I was shown to my room and by 7:00 PM an intern (a female medical doctor who has a practice in Washington state) came by to check on me and take my vital signs. Last night my blood pressure was 104/59, my pulse was 70, my tempurature was 98.4, and my weight was 110. I fell asleep about 11:45 PM and woke up at 3:45 AM to urinate and was unable to go back to sleep for a long, long time. i may have slept another 2 hours somewhat fitfully. I also had a mid-range headache (4 on a scale of 1-10) in the right front quadrant of my head (perhaps sinus area) all night.
Dr. Klaper and his assistant came to check on me at 9:00 AM and get my vital signs this morning (Day 4). He checks all of his patients between 7:30-9:30 AM and he is all about business--in and out. My blood pressure was 96/58, my pulse was 68, my tempurature was 98.1, and my weight was 107 (3 lbs difference from last night!). They also checked my urine with a dipstick, though I am not sure what they were measuring. I have been slightly nauseated all day, and feel incredibly weak. I am very hypotensive when I stand up. It is even difficult for me to sit up in bed. I had some upper and lower GI gas today, but not much. No bowel activity. My body odor is also very strong. I drank about 2.5 quarts of water today.
I had another 40 minute appointment with Dr. Klaper this evening. Again, he asked a lot of questions and really listened to my responses. I have had most of my test results come back. The level of Lactulose in my urine was slightly above normal which indicates some gastrointestinal permiability. Not surprising, but Dr. Klaper expected it to be worse given my symptoms. Most of my blood work came out normal. My cholesterol was 120 (HDL 29/LDL 77/VLDL 14). HDL is considered to be low (>46 is recommended), but Dr. Klaper says it is just fine because total cholesterol is so low. Cholesterol/HDL ratio was 4.1 (below average risk) and the LDL/HDL ratio was 2.6 (average risk). Triglycerides were 68. My BUN (Blood Urea Nitrogen) was one point below normal at 6 on a scale of 7-25. Dr. Klaper says this is great and normal for someone on a low protein diet. My B-12 is on the very low end of normal at 248 on a scale of 200-1100. MVC was high 101 on scale of 80-100 and MHC was high at 33.6 on a scale of 27.0-33.0. Both of these are an indication of low B-12. Dr. Klaper wants me to start taking B-12 right away. Vitamin D is not back yet. C-Reactive Protein is not back yet. Parasite test is not back yet. Everything else is normal, including Sedimentation Rate and a Thyroid Panel.
Dr. Klaper was very please with the test results and said my organ systems are functioning extremely well. He gave his permission for me to do a fast of 40 or so days, with the caveat that we must always listen to the patient's body. We talked a lot about my food problems as might be expected and so I finally asked him what he ate. He said he eats mostly raw fruit and greens, but he is not dogmatic and eats some light cooked foods like soup and steamed vegetables. He does not think grains are particularly healthy and has stopped eating them, and he doesn't eat many of the other cooked starches either because they leave him feeling too heavy. He seems to have a very open mind.
They have there own distiller here, and the water is quite good. I don't think I have ever had real distilled water, only the stuff from the supermarket sold in plastic which tastes absolutely terrible. The only complaint I have about this facility so far is that is is located on the corner of two very busy streets, but I knew that coming in. Some units are off the road and much quieter. Since I came in on such short notice, I don't really have much choice. But if you can plan your stay here ahead of time, you can reserve a unit on the two quieter sides. As it is, they are going to have to move me twice while I am here. But that is no big deal since the staff here will do all the work.
My acupuncturist, David Walker of Sebastopol, came and gave me a treatment in the evening and will be coming to do so once a week for the duration of my fast.
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Yesterday (January 4) was the birthday of Lowell Fillmore, another spiritual giant in my opinion. He was the son of the founders of the Unity Church which is part of the New Thought Movement that began in the late 1800s (and grew out the writings of Ralph Waldo Emerson, Henry David Thoreau, and other Transendentalist thinkers). A good friend introduced me to Unity an number of years ago, but I wasn't quite ready. Now, I am absolutely in love with their teachings (which, interestingly enough, are very very similar to what Abraham teaches, only with a Christ-centered focus). Lowell Fillmore's book The Prayer Way to Health, Wealth, and Happiness may well be the best book on Unity spirituality. I was so inspired by this little volume that I bought it as a Christmas gift for everyone I know this year. And if Unity was in the habit of canonizing saints, Lowell surely would have received this honor. By all accounts, he lived a very abstemious life (eating a vegetarian diet) and apparently never said a bad word about anyone. Here is are some excerpts from his book on healing the body:
"Christian healing means more than patching up a broken body. It means restoring a body to its God-planned perfection--the harmonious manifestation of God's perfect-man idea in a physical body. God's perfect man is Spirit, because God created him in His own image and likeness...This perfect spiritual man is the Christ whose Spirit dwells in potential expression in the physical body of every man...God's perfect-man idea is the pattern that all men must eventually work out in their physical bodies...It is up to each person to cooperate with God's plan, by letting the perfect-man idea, the Christ Spirit within himself, have its perfect way...As we increase our faith in the Christ perfection in us, we cooperate with God to bring more and more of His perfect-man idea into manifestation in our body."
"Affirmations of Truth are statements that describe God's perfect creation. By believing that God's creation is perfect and is the only reality, we can manifest it in our life. By using affirmations of Truth, we increase our faith in God's goodness becoming manifest here and now in our life and affairs. We can affirm the Truth of our relationship to God until we feel it is a reality. We must first accept the truth in our mind, and then we shall be able to cooperate with the divine wisdom and life that are already at work in us to bring peace, health, and happiness into our body and affairs. By faithful use of affirmations of Truth, we can lift our body into a consciousness of greater harmony with its spiritual Source. Try using this affirmation: By the healing power of my indwelling Christ, I am made whole and perfect in body and mind. Have faith that these words are true, because you are speaking the truth about God's perfect man."
"We must train ourselves to have faith in our indwelling Christ, who is whole and perfect. We must have faith in God's perfect, spiritual, everywhere-present creation, even though we cannot see it with our own physical eyes. We must learn to look for good everywhere and thus open the way for God's spiritual perfection to come into our world as it is in His heaven...Affirmative prayer is our first step in seeking God and His kingdom...As we grow spiritually by increasing our love and faith in God [with affirmations of Truth], we shall be able to find his blessings everywhere. We shall find that health, happiness, and prosperity are always with us. God is our health; and when we believe this, His healing power will work freely through us."
Saint Seraphim of Sarov feeding a bear near his hermitage.
I am scheduled to check in to the TrueNorth Health Center in Santa Rosa on January 4th, but I've decided to start my fast at home a few days ahead of schedule. I want to do this because today (January 2) is the Feast Day of Saint Seraphim of Sarov, a modern Russian Saint of the Orthodox Christian Church. St. Seraphim holds a very special place in my heart because it was through him that I found my way back to God after being spiritually lost for almost 20 years.
St. Seraphim was born in 1759 and died in 1833 at the age of 74. When he was 10 years old, he became deathly ill and received a vision of the All-Holy Virgin Mary (known as the Theotokos in Orthodoxy) in which she spoke to him and promised that she would heal him soon. Several days later, when a famous Icon of the Theotokos traveled by his home, his mother carried him outside to venerate it and, in that instant, he was healed. He became very devoted to the Theotokos from that time forward and entered a monastery at the age of 18. He spent 25 years of his monastic life as a hermit in the forest alone seeking communion with God.
At one point while at his isolated hermitage, St. Seraphim was viciously attacked by thieves who brutally beat him and left him for dead. After he regained consciousness, he spent 1000 consecutive days kneeling on a rock in devoted prayer to the Theotokos and, at some point shortly after this, he received direct instructions from Her to begin counseling lay Christians seeking help in their spiritual life. People traveled from all over Russia to meet and speak with him during the final 18 years of his life.
This is the "Tenderness" Icon of Theotokos that St. Seraphim prayed to:
St. Seraphim had a very close relationship with the wild animals of the forest and was seen to feed bears and other so-called dangerous creatures directly out of his hands. One observer reported that while feeding a bear his face had a miraculous appearance and glowed as bright as that of an angel. His universal greeting to everyone who came to him for spiritual counsel was, "My Joy! Christ is Risen." Normally, the greeting "Christ is Risen" is used only during the celebration of Christ's Resurrection (Easter/Pascha) by Orthodox Christians. But for St. Seraphim, everyday was a celebration of Christ's Resurrection. Here are some of my favorite quotes by him:
"Acquire a peaceful spirit, and thousands around you will be saved."
"The purpose of the Christian life is the acquisition of the Holy Spirit."
"God is the fire that warms and kindles the heart...with perfect love."
St. Seraphim fasted every Wednesday and Friday (an Orthodox tradition) throughout his entire adult life, and he ate a very abstemious diet in general (completely vegan). So many saints, it seems, became saints by going into the "desert" to fast and pray for extended periods of time. This practice has a long biblical tradition. In the Gospel of Matthew (4:2), we are told that Jesus went alone into the wilderness to fast for 40 days and 40 nights before beginning his ministry of healing to the Jews. In Exodus (34:28), we are told that Moses climbed atop Mt. Sinai and fasted for 40 days and 40 nights and when he came down his face shone so brightly that all were afraid to come near him. He also brought with him the Ten Commandments which had been dictated to him by God while on the mountain. In 1 Kings (19:8), we are told that the prophet Elijah fasted for 40 days and 40 nights while climbing Mount Horeb where, upon reaching the top, God spoke to him.
Now, obviously, I am not expecting anything quite so profound or dramatic as this from my own fast and time in the "desert." Although I will have a substantial amount of alone time, which I plan to use for meditation and spiritual reading, I will still have quite a bit of contact with others. Nevertheless, as I withdrawal my attention from the outer world and focus much more on the inner world, it will be a wonderful time of healing for both body and soul. This is a journey I have been looking forward to for a long, long time.
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My first day of fasting was uneventful. I actually felt quite good. I experienced a few tummy growls, but no real hunger to speak of, and my energy level was higher than normal. I even took my dog for a walk in the afternoon. I drank about 2 quarts of water over the course of the day.
I have not yet received the results of any of the pre-fasting tests that Dr. Klaper ordered for me. And I do not own a scale so I cannot tell you precisely what my starting weight is, but when Dr. Klaper weighed me in his office several weeks ago I was 113 lbs.
In spite of fasting, I decided to attend the "Bowl Burning" ceremony at my local Unity Church. This is a powerful New Year's tradition within Unity in which all the participants write down everything they wish to release from their lives on a piece of paper and then burn this paper in the flame of a candle. After we all burned our papers, the minister then asked us to write a letter to God thanking Him in advance for all the good things we expect to receive in the coming year. The minister will mail all of our letters to God back to us at the end of the year so we can see how much of what we ask for has manifested in our lives. I wrote down every negative attitude and emotion I could possibly think of that I might still be holding onto from past and present experiences and watched as they disintegrated into ashes. In my letter to God, I thanked Him for my perfect health, financial stability, and joyful heart. This is a very profound symbolic ritual for cleansing one's heart of old accumulated poisons and inviting positive new experiences into our life. Being able to do this with a community that supports you, in all that your are, is a real blessing.
If you would like more information about why am embarking on this fast, please read my blog posts Preparing for a Water Fastand MY STORY.
"There is no relationship of greater importance to achieve than the relationship between you, in your physical body, right here and now, and the God/Source from which you have come. If you tend to that relationship, first and foremost, you will then, and only then, have the stable footing to proceed into other relationships. Your relationship with your own body; your relationship with money; your relationship with your parents, children, grandchildren, the people you work with...will all fall swiftly and easily into alignment once you tend to this fundamental, primary relationship first."
--Abraham
Excerpted from from Abraham's newest book, "The Vortex, Where the Law of Attraction Assembles All Cooperative Relationships "
